Even my close friend,
someone I trusted,
one who shared my bread,
has turned against me.
Psalm 41:9
I hurt a friend a couple of days back - my thoughtlessness and not engaging my brain had consequences. It was messy.
It's kind of like that feeling when you're a child - and instead of your mum yelling at you and being angry she simply says "I'm disappointed" - aahh, pierces the soul.
So now, I need to take responsibilities for my actions, own them, confess them and face them - I need to attempt to rebuild trust and friendship with this person - I need to not give into the devils lies that I've completely blown this, the lie that I need to run away and hide, the lie that I'm exactly who he's been telling me I am all along.
The words of a song keep going around in my head:
"God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You, You’re where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do" Jenn Johnson
I know that I need to go to Him, see this from His perspective, seek forgiveness and have my heart healed - then, most important put this behind me and not keep torturing myself with it.
*sigh* life is messy at times, it comes from living in a broken world and being a work in progress.
