So many things seem to have happened over the past few weeks; some good, some bad. Some that appear to be awful news but are a blessing from God. I will start with the most recent.....though thinking about it the story won't work if I do that!!
Firstly my brother has been admitted into hospital with depression and will be there for 10 days to 2 weeks. It is a relief in some ways to have seen this happen, yet in others is devastating. Firstly he needed a break from where he currently lives as there are 7 of them in a 3 bedroomed semi-detached council house. He had been in and out of A&E at the local hospital for the past 3 weeks or so but they couldn't find anything wrong with him. Anyway he went to see a counsellor on Tuesday and they referred him to the psychiatric ward to be admitted. In some ways I think this is tougher for my Dad than me as Dad has grown up in that generation where there is a stigma attached to any mental illness. I went to visit my brother last night and more than anything my heart was broken for him (many of you know that this could only be Gods doing as my brother and I have never exactly got on!). He looked so lost in the hospital and the guilt that I felt leaving him there was reminiscent of leaving mum in Clatterbridge hospital when she was having her treatment.....this feeling of abandoning him (I suppose the reality that there is nothing that we can do to help him) was like a weight resting on me. But I was reminded that I can pray; and that is far from nothing.
It's been tough trying to see the kids as I get the impression that Amanda's mum is attempting to imply that they don't need us or Gareth in their lives and so is out doing something any time any of us are meant to call or try to pop around. I haven't seen the kids for 3 weeks, Gareth's seen them once in 2 weeks. I can't describe how devastating this is.
The other heartbreaking thing was the grandmother of 2 of our youth members died last week and walking them through this time of grief; while there have also been a million and one other things going on in their lives while trying to be normal teenagers has also been heartbreaking. I suddenly got to Tuesday evening, having attended the funeral and then had the phonecall off my Dad to say my brother had been admitted and just sat on my bed crying for 30 minutes. I felt like I'd given so much out in the past 10 days that I was alone and empty. But I was reminded that I wasn't. "Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. " Psalm 34:17-18
The straw that broke the camels back last night was that my car broke down; actually not just broke down but fell off it's last set of legs in a ploom of smoke! I was visiting my brother in hospital and came down the dual carriageway/freeway from my town towards the hospital when I started to hear this clacking noise. I pulled off at the next junction and knew immediately that the 'big end' had gone as the same thing had happened to me about 14 months ago when Becky Rasdall was visiting the UK. I rang my Dad and he said he'd come out and tow me home. It was actually a relief that I'd broken down but had been OK as there were a number of things wrong with my car and I was getting nervous at driving it (the steering was dodgy) and thought that I could end up in an accident. I was therefore so thankful to God that this had happened coming down a hill where I could pull off at a junction. I'd also decided that the next thing that went wrong with the car was the last thing, I was not going to get it fixed but replace it so Dad decided to drive it as far as he possibly could while I drove his car. My Dad is a star; he drove through St Asaph town, past a pub with 5 men standing outside staring at him in a car that was clacking so loudly I could hear it in his car, and he didn't care. As we were nearing Denbigh I could see that the car was beginning to struggle and could hear the crunching of breaks and was willing Dad to pull into the garage that we use for repairs that was coming up on the left. He didn't, but he'd only gone 10 feet past it when there was smoke billowing from underneath the car and the engine. I'm behind him beeping my car and flashing my lights at which point he thinks it might be an idea to pull in and that he probably isn't going to make it to the house!!! Dad and I just laughed about it; this was really the least of our worries. Of course, now I am worried as to how I'm going to afford a new car and where to I get it from so I won't get scammed etc etc. But I know that God has it all in hand.
There have been so many blessings over the past few weeks, not just 'bad stuff'. I had 2 weeks off work which was absolute bliss. I went out for days, slept in, had people over for lunch and dinner and visited people. I think I've barely cooked 2 meals for myself (when I haven't had people over) in over 2 weeks, what a blessing. The weather here has been beautiful and I was really blessed to take the 2 members of the youth group that had suffered the death of their grandmother to Bolton Abbey near Skipton where we met Jon. It was a great day out and such a reminder that you don't need computer games, TV and movies; you don't even really need books or outdoor games. All you need is a river, stepping stones, stunning scenery and prepared to have a laugh and you can have a great day.
Anyway that's pretty much been me.....still waiting on getting the camera fixed....a little more difficult now I don't have a car!!
~Blessings~
