Auntie Lyns 80th Birthday

So here are a couple of pictures from my Auntie Lyns 80th birthday.

She's my Dad's sister - that's a picture of her at the top. She's such a great, generous lady and has been like a surrogate grandmother to me all my life (All my grandparents died before I was born). It was such an honour to celebrate her birthday with her - and hopefully we'll do it on her 90th also!

The second picture is one of the siblings. The front row is Auntie Lyn and Auntie Mag, then behind in the striped shirt is Uncle Dai and my Dad in the blue shirt. Sadly my Uncle Bob passed away 4 years ago - the pciture is incomplete with him. But there's something about this generation that stick so close together. They have coffee every morning at 10am and chew over everything. They look out for one another and will take each other to the doctors, hospital, shopping when needs be. I think that there's a unity with my Dads generation that is missing from mine - a closeness. Whether it can be atributed to war time, or the post modern mindset now, or just the changing times I don't know - but I'm kind of envious of it.

Anyway - here's to my Aunt and hoping to celebrate many more birthdays with her!

Second guesser....

I need quiet

I need space

I need to stop

I need to rest

It's not that I'm physically busy but you know when you're head is so full of things and you just think *STOP*.........but how to escape your own thoughts, concerns, fears. I need to take time to speak to my soul, to organise my thoughts, to not be driven by feelings.

I've realised I'm a second guesser. My first reaction in any situation is to attempt to decipher how this will affect the other person/people........how they'll feel, react, will they be happy by it, sad, overwhelmed.

And so I end up creating scenarios that may never happen........never doing something for fear of what could happen as I'm 4 miles down the road already.

This needs to change!

I need to change!!

I was reading 1 Chronicles 19:1-4 which says "Some time after this Nahash king of the Ammonites died and his son succeeded him as king. David said, "I'd like to show some kindness to Hanun son of Nahash—treat him as well and as kindly as his father treated me." So David sent condolences about his father's death.

But when David's servants arrived in Ammonite country and came to Hanun to bring condolences, the Ammonite leaders warned Hanun, "Do you for a minute suppose that David is honoring your father by sending you comforters? Don't you know that he's sent these men to snoop around the city and size it up so that he can capture it?"

So Hanun seized David's men, shaved them clean, cut off their robes half way up their buttocks, and sent them packing. "

I realised that David had the correct heart. His intentions and desires where to honour and respect, not to harm and manipulate. But David had no control over how his actions were received.

When I do something, I have to do it with the right heart and intentions. I will be misunderstood, I will be rejected at times, I will have no control over the other persons reactions. But as long as I do it with a heart that is in line with God, wanting the best for the other person, allowing it to cost me something and not fearing but doing it sincerely - then I'm OK.......I'm on the right path

Anyway just some thoughts and ramblings...........

Messiness of life

Even my close friend,

someone I trusted,

one who shared my bread,

has turned against me.

Psalm 41:9

I hurt a friend a couple of days back - my thoughtlessness and not engaging my brain had consequences. It was messy.

It's kind of like that feeling when you're a child - and instead of your mum yelling at you and being angry she simply says "I'm disappointed" - aahh, pierces the soul.

So now, I need to take responsibilities for my actions, own them, confess them and face them - I need to attempt to rebuild trust and friendship with this person - I need to not give into the devils lies that I've completely blown this, the lie that I need to run away and hide, the lie that I'm exactly who he's been telling me I am all along.

The words of a song keep going around in my head:

"God I look to You, I won’t be overwhelmed

Give me vision to see things like You do

God I look to You, You’re where my help comes from

Give me wisdom; You know just what to do" Jenn Johnson

I know that I need to go to Him, see this from His perspective, seek forgiveness and have my heart healed - then, most important put this behind me and not keep torturing myself with it.

*sigh* life is messy at times, it comes from living in a broken world and being a work in progress.

Things that made me smile.........

I know I haven't done this in a while and it can feel like everything is closing in with negativity when we choose not to see the good - so here are some thoughts from the past week or so

~ Chatting to Amy Otis DeGrau via Skype - meaning we could see one another. I've never used Skype before and was over the moon to actually see her and Rodrigo, as well as the petting zoo they have with 2 dogs and 2 cats! Apparently my laughter and screaming could be heard all over the house
~Sharing a coffee/Hot Chocolate with a member of my youth group after shopping in Costa coffee..........it was pouring with rain outside and it felt like we had a great 15 minutes of just chit chatting and people watching
~Helping friends move furniture out of there house on Saturday.......I wasn't that much of a help but it felt good to do some physical work after sitting in an office all week
~Sharing laughs and dinner with a friend on Wednesday evening as she cooked for me and we hung out
~Meeting Cassie Owens........my friends Ffion and Wyn had a baby girl on 4th February and I met her last night - she is precious and beautiful..........babies blow my mind!

So anyway - I need to restart this........I'm not going to put myself under any pressure that it will be a daily update here but I want to (once again!) refocus and see the good things in life and not just the storms.

Here's a great quote from Bill Johnson in the book Spiritual Java

" Let's not waste our miracles, either. Let's not watch God do something awesome, then give a little golf clap, a little 'amen', and walk away unchanged"

I want to be a God chaser, not miracle chaser - but the outworker of a God chaser will be to see Kingdom miracles around me.

Kingdom living

So there's a couple of things I've come to realise lately.........

One of them being that I much prefer hanging out with people who hang out with Jesus rather than do things for Jesus. This revelation came from a chat in cell group about where we (and God) gets the most pleasure - us hanging with Him or us doing things for Him? I was thinking of my friend Sarah - a fabulous woman that exudes the presence of God. She's so in love with Jesus it just drips from her every word and being. I find I have a jealousy in me when I'm around her. Previously the jealousy had simply been that -jealousy- not a motivator to encounter God in that way myself.

When I compare her with friends (or even myself 2 or 3 months ago) who need 6 weeks notice to get something in the diary because they're doing stuff for God - I realise what I want to be more like.

When I walk I want to leave "puddles of the Kingdom" behind me. I want my face to radiate as I think about Jesus and remember my most recent encounter with Him.

I want to see things from a Kingdom perspective instead of the warped perspective of a fallen world.

I want to know Jesus more, what makes him smile, what makes him laugh, what makes his heart break and how he thinks of me as an individual.

I'm hungry for more of Him - and want this hunger to continue.

I've realised how much of life has been caught up in the concerns and ways of this world and that I've lost focus over the past year. I've allowed that love of God to burn down and it all become intellectual.

I can't change this by striving.........I can only change this by resting in His presence, at his feet - and hopefully becoming one of those that exudes Jesus as she walks through the day.

Time out with nature

So today could have been a Spring day it was so warm - am sure it was in double figues (Celsius) and felt quite mild - especially the walk that I took.

I decided to head up to the forest in Llandegla, Denbighshire as they have a Bike centre there with cycle trails as well as walking trails. I could see from their website that they had one about 2.5 miles long and so decided to head out on that. Can I just say......... it WAS NOT flat! Far from it, bit like going up hill and down dale! But I loved it. There was no one else around (a little creepy but I told myself to get over it!) and it gave me time to enjoy, think, pray and download some stuff I'd had buzzing through my head.

Anyway here's a picture of the reservoir that's about 1/2 way around the walk.

It really was an enjoyable walk and was rewarded with a coffee in Costa's afterwards.

Am realising that I need these time outs - to think, pray, exercise my lungs and just enjoy what is on my doorstep. It seems like such a chore when you're at home in the warmth, yet feels like such an acheivement when you've done it. I have 5 unassigned leave days that I need to take before 31st March, and as long as no emergency crops up, I'm going to use them for such days as this........... to refresh my soul

The Road of Resolution for 2011

I received a fabulous Christmas gift from Amy O - a year planner with daily scripture in it as well as thoughts for that month and readings for every day. At the back of the planner it has something called "The Road of Resolution" which is just a great way to re-focus at the start of the year, review the past year and tease out Gods plan for you in the coming year. Anyway, here it is below - hopefully it will inspire you too.

~*~

Resolution is good, and these steps will help us keep on the right road with God through the year.

Relationship

Reaffirm your relationship with God.

He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

MICAH 6:8

Review

Look back on the past year and ask God to show you areas of sin and weakness that might have hindered your spiritual growth.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

PSALM 139:23-24

Repent

Confess your sin and ask God to forgive you.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 JOHN 1:9

Refresh

Ask God to refresh you and to fill you with His Spirit and to give you a new vision for the year ahead.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future."

JEREMIAH 29:11

Renew

Ask God to help you see your life from His perspective, and renew your commitment to His vision and purpose for your life.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and see what God's will is: His good, pleasing and perfect will.

ROMANS 12:2

Resolve

Resolve to be faithful to God's purpose in your life and to glorify Him in the areas that He has revealed to you as you have prayed to Him.

I press on toward the goal To win the prize for which God has called me heavenwoard in Christ Jesus. PHILIPPIANS 3:14

Record

Write down the things that God has revealed to you in prayer, and review them frequently, remembering that it is only by His grace that you are able to grow in Him.

Let us then apporach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

HEBREWS 4:16

Things that made me smile today......day 12

Hearing happy birthday being sung downstairs to a very special friend.....croissant for breakfast.......Christmas decorations in Jacksons nurseries......9 people eating fajitas around a table........launching a Chinese flying lantern to celebrate a friends 40th birthday x

Things that make me smile......day 10

So am a little late & have missed 2 days but never mind........
Being first to drive in a car park of freshly fallen snow.....Christmas lunch for £4.....being asked to a family birthday tea, when I'm not technically part of the family.....watching a child be in awe of a snow fall for the first time in her life.....friends never wanting the evening the end.......happy days!

Things that made me smile today.......day 8

Friends who encourage & believe I can be so much more than I am-especially in my photography......Christmas dinner out with my youth & secret Santa presents.....a houseful to come home too & say how your day is going